So what is fat? Fat as in my belly vibrating when trucks rumble by. I adjust my arms so the sticky feeling of arm fat on skin doesn't ruin the taste of my whole milk latte. Ew. Yuck! Fat as in I feel my belly pushed so far it hurts my ribs and puts pressure on my eye sockets! Fat as in... what's that? Oh yes, feels as if the meat sweats are coming on! Fat as in today... three times I practically ran to the ladies room... wobbling on my heels, belly fighting the constraints of my pencil skirt only to discover... wait.... nope! Don't have to go. The pressure on my bladder was from 7am leftover noodles, not one but two (what?!) Starbucks runs, dumpling soup, a stack of Dancing Deer cookies (molasses clove obviously!) and a handfull of chocolate nibs qualifies-as-breakfast... yes, that type of fat. Discovered dimples on my thighs weeks back. A lovely constellation of pimples (read: dairy/sugar rash) has spread across the right side of my face (blamed the not-yet-boyfriend's beard for that one) and my bottom has long spread beyond the borders of a toilet seat. (Don't ask! It was an arbitrary benchmark of mine when I was a kid...)
How did I let this slim, nearly 38-year-old, body return to the first few months of college when I played dinner-time duck duck goose with an ever-changing array of friends? Parked at the table gobbling Pasta Bob station creations and 11 varieties of ever-rotating ice cream? The Viking (beau-to-be) might tell me he loves the "pudge" (Umm really?) and others might call it wholesome or "high-time you have something to hold on to" but me... I can see what's going on. I'm distracted by visions of expandy-pant pajamas and shopping plus-sized petites.... thank you size 16 Gap kids!
So, today begins the return to sanity. It's official. 38 days until I turn 38. I know what I have to do. First, take a picture of my post-noodle-cafe belly... in all it's disgusting glory... where I might have ordered enough for two. Are you ready? It's an eclipse. Shield your eyes! Peek through your fingers at your own peril! Revolting? Yes! But a gross motivator is a motivator none-the-less.... (Just watch Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead! It's where I'm headed...) Okay. Now showing...
Exhibit A: Up front and super sexy!
And Exhibit B... the delicious side view!!
Even my laptop is laboring to keep up with the strain of this stomach on the pixel count! It's whirring away! At the end of last May, I had a 24" waist and weighed roughly 108 pounds. Today, conservatively (according to my measuring tape) I'm a whopping 28.5" waist and last week's doctor's visit has me clocked in at 116 pounds (minus 2 pounds for my Bean boots). I post these to motivate (and disgust myself) and to remember the feeling of lack of lightness and bodily wellbeing.
Here begins the 38-day journey to bring myself back from the brink of a 28+ inch waist, just in time for a new year of my life to begin. I will re-impress (daily) the lessons of healthy eating, self-love, self-restraint and self-reflection during this journey... for the sake of my bulging bottom, expanding waistline and your now scarred eyes!
